Pondering

Well it is very late at night for me to be up, but I am. It is actually 5 minutes till midnight. I'm struggling with my mom not doing very well right now, but mostly I'm pondering how in the world I am awake at this time at night. Most of you out there know what is happening with my mom. But what most of you don't know is the emotional roller coaster that is going on as well. I'm mentally always thinking, thinking of her, of our growing up, of her going to be with Jesus, and her smile. I'm mentally thinking of all the things waiting for me when I get home. Yes it will still be there but I think of it anyway. I'm thinking of how I haven't even posted anything on her since before Christmas and I have wonderful pictures of kids just playing and smiling with their new toys. I'm pondering how in the world does one survive after their mom is in heaven, but then again, I know Jesus and that who she will be with. I know I will survive and I know I'll even laugh again at her memory but the wound is too raw right now. You see I'm pondering how thankful I am for my mom. She taught me so much and she was for so long a best friend to me. She sacrificed so much for my brother and I. I've thanked her millions of times and she never did it for the thanks, but it was never enough. So I'll sit here and ponder more and then try and go to sleep! Thanks for listening to me ponder.